MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
