Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Enjoy the penises
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