her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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