he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
