The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
