so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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