this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
