hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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