I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
