Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize