she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
