Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
