Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
