Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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