i think my mom watched the whole time
I am spending my child support on dildos
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
