We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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