How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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