we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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