I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
did you just send me my own nude
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