There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
