I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
