Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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