i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He better not be in your backpack
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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