I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
