she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
