No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I didn't notice because vodka
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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