I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
