Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
