I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
