we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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