im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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