I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
