Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
