i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
