Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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