dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
