I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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