The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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