So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
