what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
