Where is the hickey?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize