he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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