READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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