Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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