Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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