i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
