More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
