once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
