"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
