I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
