please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
