garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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