he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
