who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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