Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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