why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
