I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
