Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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