I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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