were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
