Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
