Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
