No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
