Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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