White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
