I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
