We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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