There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
