Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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